i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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