I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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