I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is my gift to your gina
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
