I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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