How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
