I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
