I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
