return my video game
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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