did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
