his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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