my mouth tastes like poor choices
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
