he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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