I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
