garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
