yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
