Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I checked into jail on foursquare
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
