She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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