how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
