are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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