what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
