the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
