Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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