It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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