Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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