I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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