Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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