Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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