I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
