She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
