Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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