I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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