Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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