are you still at the devil's house?
actually, I'm a sock model
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
