I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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