What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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