There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
