I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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