Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
