You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
