also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
