dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
