She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
