WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
