it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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