we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
