Betty ford says i'm here all night
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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