Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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