Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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