Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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