I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize