but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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