38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
