glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
