I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
don't judge my taste in strippers
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
