so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize