Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
