nut hugger
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
