It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
