My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
